The Legend of Zelda: The New Generation or How I Got Trapped In A Cart
by Cabooble
Summary: A tale of adventure and danger in every corner and stuff.
_Author's Note: Please write your criticism's in the comments! But if you're a hater then don't write anything IT'S MY STORY, IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, DON'T READ!xx_!11_xx1! Compliments only pl0x ;)_

I know a lot of gamers out there don't have much patience, 'least that's what Bishop the dude at the video store said. So I'm at the register and then I realize I got no money, I was seriously broke. Why? Cause I met this smokin' hot chick at the Deathmatch Bar last night. Man, she smelled good so being the gentleman that I am, I bought her a drink. Anywho I decided to get a job, the gig, assassinate the drifter. So I went to where I was supposed to and waited for the guy to show up, and there he was this cat well dressed, cool. Couldn't tell if he was the shit or just plain ol' shit. Yeah so he's stylin, fast, aggressive and packin' heat, baddabing... or at least it was supposed to be 'till she showed up. Her name? Sylvia Cristal, an agent with this whatchamacallit association. I want to be number one, how's that, short and simple enough for you? It's gonna be a long, hard road, but who knows it could kick ass, could be dangerous, could totally suck. What do you say bro, join me, let's see how far we can take this... is what I would have said if it weren't for the fact that I didn't pop in my No More Heroes® disc into my Wii U®.

No, instead I loaded up The Legend of Zelda® on Nintendo's Virtual Console® on my Wii U® and started playing except something was funny, and I don't mean funny haha. No no no, funny weird. It might have been the part where a giant black hand came creeping out of my television, but I've been known to hallucinate ever since that time the doctor said there was something wrong with my brain but that's a story for another time and my psychiatrist told me it's better to bottle up my problems because there's no helping someone like me and it was a waste of my parent's money to even care for me for so long. Anyways this bigger blacker hand comes out the screen and pulls me in, I tried to go to my happy place but it just wasn't happening so I was sucked into the game and there I was in the wonderful world of Hyrule. Well I mean it's not Call of Duty but it's good enough I guess.

There I was standing in the middle of nowhere with a cave right in front of me so I think why the fuck not and walk right in. There I see an old man and he's holding a wooden sword. My first instinct tells me this dude is homeless 'cause he smells like he's been basted in his own juices for well over a month and taking one good look at him I could tell he's never had any kids and doesn't have anyone who loves him. "Hey kid, it's dangerous to go alone you're going to need this," says the old bastard. He gets closer to me and hands me the wooden sword. I take a look at it, yup that's definitely wood. "Hey old man, are you sure this is gonna keep me safe?"

"No. There is no safety to be found in a sword. A sword brings death, it does not bring life. It is a responsibility, a burden. This is no gift, it is a curse. I hope one day you wi-"

I interrupted him, "Hold the fuck up, nigga are you retarded? Offense is the best form of defense some fuckin' tektite comes jumping towards you what the fuck are you gonna do close your eyes, ask it nicely to go away, make kissy faces at it you idiot. No you pull out your gun and empty your clip into it's brains you see, plat plat that mother fucker ain't botherin you no more."

"I just mea-"

"I mean fuck you have a sword just swing it and these bitches straight up fuckin die, octorocks ain't shit man look just thrust." I motioned to do it and an energy beam fired off from the sword and sliced the old man's head clean off. HOLY SHIT THAT'S SICK so I immediately ran out and started my adventure jukin' and jivin' all these moblins it was like you're walking to the right and PLAT PLAT PLAT SWORD BEAMS TO THE FACE NIGGA. However, I instantly hit a problem going a bit north some of these guys just weren't getting hit they were flying around being total dickfaces. I heard some bubbling coming from the left and what do you know it was my good friend half Black, half Indian allegedly homosexual Prince Knightmare of the Zoras. "What is going on my dude." Prince Knightmare of the Zoras said to me.

"Not much Prince Knightmare of the Zoras, it's just I can't really hit these peahats flying around me."

"Oh is that all buddy, let me get the firing squad." Suddenly like 5 river Zoras come out and shot fireballs at the peahats and they get sniped like a sniper in Call of Duty sniping tangos down. "That was the rush I needed hey let me join you in your adventure there's a dungeon not too far away just go left on this bridge."

"Oh uh I kinda wanted to go alone Prince Knightmare of the Zoras but uh yeah sure I could always use the help." So Prince Knightmare of the Zoras and I went toward the Eagle dungeon which was inside of a tree which didn't make much sense cause how do you make an eagle shaped dungeon inside a tree that is on a tiny island on a lake but I didn't think about it too much and went inside anyways. However, I realized I forgot to buy potions so I walked out and then decided I wouldn't need any potions and walked right back in. I noticed the locked the door on the other side of the room wasn't there anymore so I walked to the next room. In it there were 3 stalfos and I was like running around shooting my sword beams at them when my good friend Prince Knightmare of the Zoras said "Hey uh, you should probably be careful these guys are no joke."  
"What they're skeletons, what are they going to do jump away from me as soon as I attack and then throw a bone at me, ( _A.N. GET IT LIKE ZELDA GAMES LOL XD_ ) it's not like they're capable of actually attacking they're just sort of moving arou-" Then I felt it, a sword burrowing deeper and deeper into my back. The pain was harsh, like having a burning sensation steadily move deeper into your body. The pain shot up through my spine and I couldn't help but scream, Prince Knightmare of the Zoras picked me up and ran away like a little punk bitch instead of avenging me and placed me down next to him. I started crying out "I'm sorry, I can't believe it killed me man. Who'd a fucking thought that"

"Hey, cancel that shit right now. You're hurt, you're hurt real fuckin' bad but you ain't dying." I started shrieking in pain. "I- oh my god all this blood is scaring the shit out of me Prince Knightmare of the Zoras, I'm going to die I know it."

"Oh excuse me, I didn't realize you had a degree in medicine. Uh uh are you a doctor? Are you a doctor? Answer me please, are you a doctor?" I can't believe he's pulling this shit on me now, you get a doctorate in dental school and you're suddenly a fucking doctor. I don't see him operating on the brain or heart, this asshole just looks at someone's teeth and has a nurse put braces on them I mean that's not a real doctor, you all agree with me on this right? "No, no I'm not."

"Okay so you admit you don't know what you're talking about. So, if you're through giving me your amateur opinion, slide back and listen to the news. I'm taking you back to the rendezvous, Joe is going to get you a doctor and the doctor is going to fix you up and you're going to be okay. Now say it you're going to be okay, say it you're going to be okay. Say the goddamn words, you're going to be okay."

"OH GOD," I screamed

"SAY IT!"

"I'm okay Prince Knightmare of the Zoras."

"CORRECT, correct."

"I'm okay..." so this is what bleeding to death is. Hoowee this is how I die, it's not supposed to hurt I thought hoowee.

The End.


End file.
